Spoiler-Free Transformers: The Last Knight Review

There is two ways to write a spoiler-free review for Transformers: The Last Knight - the short way and the long way. The short way is if you liked the previous films, you will like this one. It has all the Michael Bay elements you expect, all just kicked up to a new notch compared to the previous entry with all the good and the bad that implies. I was not a big fan of Age of Extinction so that should give you a hint on how the long version is going to go.

While many reviewers keep going on and on about the "complicated" story, it really isn't. Its the exact same formula as the previous four films. There is a McGuffin, the bad guys want it to save Cybertron at the expense of Earth. The good guys want it to save the day. Since its a Transformer McGuffin that means it was hidden in the past, it must be found through a series of coincidences in information drops (the one involving Stonehenge was clever), and victory is achieved by a human activating (or deactivating it) to save the day. The rest is just window dressing around that core story to make it seem more complicated then it really is.

This ultimately remains the consistent problem with the Bay version of the Transformers. Making things look complicated that are not or do not have to be at the expense of everything else (except the Bayhem of course). This story introduces a whole lot of characters of which none really matter. There really is only a few characters you should pay attention. To main one, of course, is Cade Yeager (I am in it for the paycheck Mark Wahlberg) who is missing his daughter and hiding from the Transformers Response Force (TRF) in a junk yard with the rest of the Autobots from Age of Extinction minus Optimus Prime and gets his own half McGuffin piece even though it really only matters for one cool moment in the third act. Sir Edmund Burton (having fun Anthony Hopkins) is an exposition factory whose role as last remaining member of a society that kept all the secret knowledge of Transformers history could have easily been handed off to voice over, text, or a book that Vivian Wembley (always game Laura Haddock) finds. Haddock does the best she can with the what is really the sidekick role but ultimately her job is to be pretty and provide love interest looks in between battle sequences.

Believe it or not, that's it. Santiago Cabrera (Transformer hating soldier), Isabela Moner (replacement daughter), Jerrod Carmichael (comedy relief), Josh Duhamel (friendly to Autobots soldier) do what they can along with a bunch of other characters but quite literally all of them could have either been left on the cutting room floor or their scenes quickly cut down to a line or two said by random extra or your average one and done character actor without having any impact on the film's story. That is how unimportant they are and a sign of just how much noise to signal ratio this film has.

As for as the Transformers, Bumblebee and Optimus Prime matter but while the Autobots all get a brief moment to shine but they mostly exist as giant size soldiers to shoot things or be shot at. They hint at individual characters but their actual character doesn't matter. The Decepticons even get an inexplicable "Suicide Squad" type introduction that shortly thereafter becomes pointless. Really any scene could be replaced with any same faction random Transformer and played nearly the same and in many cases I would understand if you thought they had been. All of this before I get into some weird lines, odd moments, cuts that feel like there was a scene missing just before it and more.

Instead, now that we have the story and lack of character development part out of the way, lets get to why we really see these films - the Bayhem. This one has it in spades. It really is nearly wall to wall action. Its Bayham dialed to eleven with everything you expect and then some. The spectacle is on full display and it can be fun to watch (especially in IMAX 3D) if a bit much at times. The action takes place on land, sea, air and no air. Compared to other directors, Bay is now downright conservative in his quit cuts and minimal shaky cam (you can thank real 3D IMAX requirements for that) which means the action is easier to track but often the same colored Transformers can be hard to differentiate in the action. The CGI is incredible and the ILM Transformers team deserves all the rewards for their efforts. I honest to god can't wait to see them paired with a different director because I suspect the weirder, clunkier moments (Dinobots appearing from nowhere, rolling around for no reason, a planet that strings portions of itself out only to pull em back in, etc.) are Bay ordered and actually holding back the team.

In short, its the ultimate summer popcorn film. Show up, turn your brain off, and enjoy the action. Just don't bother to track all the characters, story, or look for any meaningful character development as all end where they began, just the worse for wear after all the Bayhem. For longtime fans of the films, there are Easter Eggs (some small, some not) to the previous films. For the really long time fans going back to the 80s, there is a name drop that will make you very happy but just keep in mind that it doesn't lead to anything in this film, instead left for whoever writes and directs Transformers 6 to pick up if they choose to. There is a credit scene but it picks right up at the end of the movie, once its over that is it, no mid-credits or end of credits scene. Add what you thought in the comments.

Minor update: Swapped out post pic with poster created by masdabboy.

Minor update 2: Realized first paragraph or so of my initial review got removed, probably when I swapped posters so added it back (7-5-17)